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That's Why It's Called a Running Gag
}} Haley and Elan learn about the mercurial political boundaries of the Western Continent. Cast * Roy Greenhilt ◀ ▶ * Haley Starshine ◀ ▶ * Elan ◀ ▶ * Belkar Bitterleaf ◀ ▶ * Durkon Thundershield ◀ ▶ * A Cartographer * Tarquin's Conquered ▶ * Tarquin's Conquered's Conquered * Tarquin's Conquered's Conquered's Conquered Transcript Haley: About two years ago, I received a letter—from the government of a kingdom called Tyrinaria—that my father Ian was being held ransom. Haley: Now, after many adventures, I've sold the loot I collected from the defeat of my rival and finally earned enough money to buy his freedom— Haley: —So why the heck can't I find the friggin' country in a tent full of maps?!? Elan: Maybe it's in one of the big blue parts... Haley: The blue parts are oceans, Elan. Elan: Ohhhhh. Neat! Haley: Hey, cartographer chick. Why can't I find the country I'm looking for on any of your maps? Cartographer: It probably doesn't exist anymore. Haley: Come again? Cartographer: See, the elves have the forested north half of the whole continent sealed up, and most of the rest is desert. Cartographer: The humans and the lizard races have been fighting over the livable scraps that are left for 500 years. Flashback to Tarquin's Conquered's Conquered holding the head of Tarquin's Conquered's Conquered's Conquered's head on a sword. Cartographer (inset): Every year, half a dozen new hotshot military "geniuses" raise an army each and conquer themselves a new kingdom. Flashback to one year later, when Tarquin's Conquored holds Tarquin's Conquored's Conquered's head on a sword. Cartographer (inset): Within a year, most of them've been assassinated, or had their country steamrolled by THAT year's new conquerers. Cut back to the cartographer's shop. Cartographer: That's why cartography is such a hot business for me. People always need new maps! Haley: But don't you keep the old ones? Cartographer: Why bother? "Two years ago" is ancient history around here. Customers want what's fresh, and I need to keep a light inventory. Haley: And you don't remember a country called "Tyrinaria"? Cartographer: Eh, all the would-be emperors have cheesy names like that. Cartographer: Right now, there's a Dictatoria, a Cruelvania, and two Despotonias. Elan: Two? Cartographer: East and West. Cartographer: But it might be worth asking around in this new place that's— Belkar (off-panel): Geez, if you wanted a mapmaker, why didn't you just say so? Haley: That's Belkar! And ROY! Hide! Elan: Huh? Voice (off-panel): No, sir, the Jazz Club is three blocks down. Roy (off-panel): I said "sextant" not "sax tent"! Elan (whispering): Psssst! Why are we hiding? Haley (whispering): I don't want the others to know about my dad. Elan (whispering): Oh! Is that why we ditched Durkon! Flashback to a few minutes ago. Haley, Elan and Durkon stand near a palm tree. Haley: Look, Durkon! An advance scout for the arboreal army! Durkon: They musta allied wit' Xykon! Ye warn tha others, I'll hold it off! Cut back to the shop. Haley: Look, I'm not proud of what I did— Haley: —but I needed an easy recurring joke to cover my getaway and there were no flumphs available, OK? Trivia * The kingdom that the Cartographer was about to mention in Panel 9 ends up becoming very significant to the Order of the Stick in future strips. * The running gag referred to in the title and the comic is Durkon's irrational fear and hatred of trees. * As Haley notes, there is also a running gag which revolves around characters landing on the Flumphs * This is the first appearance of Tarquin's Conquered, the humans with white caps and face masks who conquer the previous rulers. * Once again, Roy has to deal with someone mis-hearing him, the Cartographer he was talking with thinking he said "sax tent". External Links * 680}} View the comic * link|6975450}} View the discussion thread Category:To Girard's Gate